What the World Thinks Versus What You Think.
As much as I'd love to start dishing out all the life lessons I tag as "important", I won't. Rather, I'd share the lesson that evidently helped change my perspective towards life.
In the few years I've been on earth, life has taught me lots of lessons. I saw most of these lessons as "cruel" at the time. It was at this time that questions like "what did I do to deserve this?" came up. But of course, one wouldn't expect an answer from thin air.
Image is mine. Edited on canva
Looking back at my life five years ago, I would say that there has been a great change, or should I say, a great upgrade. Wongi from five years ago was a people's-pleaser. As long as it made others happy, then she didn't care much about herself. Don't get me wrong, it's a really thoughtful act to try putting smiles on people's faces, but at what cost?
Time and time again, I tried my best to please people and one may ask why? I–the easy going ambivert–was surrounded by cocky extroverts and for some reasons, I wanted to be friends with them which would ultimately lead me to being more like them .
I didn't put into consideration the fact that these people I was trying to "be like" were just temporary. I spent months and even years trying to fit people's definition of "perfect" and in the course of this, I almost lost myself.
The harder I tried, the less successful I was. It was like I was never going to fit into the "perfect" crowd. It's worthy to note that a person can't put up with a hoax for too long. I learnt a very important lesson from this experience; A tip to having less disappointments in life is to stop pleasing people.It took me a series of mental breakdowns and personality conflicts before I could realise that pleasing people doesn't get you anywhere.
On one of those days I had an encounter with a girl from the "perfect" crowd. Rumours had it that this girl abhorred me and so in the same light of trying to be friends with everyone, I approached the girl to get answers. I expected to hear something like "you stole my crush or You unconsciously harmed me" but she boldly said to my face "I hate your guts". Awestruck. Not in a million light years would I have thought that a person would dislike another person for being kind and good.
But unfortunately, that's the world we live in.
Many people, especially teenagers, have been in this situation. They get anxiety and in worse cases, depression; just because the crowd doesn't think they're good enough. I was able to slowly untangle from pleasing people unnecessarily because I did a self evaluation. Leave the world's point of view aside, what do you think of yourself? Do you think you are good enough? My answer to this question was a whooping yes. I concluded that I was good enough and that was what mattered the most to me.
People would always have their views and there would always be stereotypes but inner peace is what matters the most. It's better to live a peaceful and happy life rather than a life where you incessantly seek people's advice just to fit in.
With love, wongi ✨
The world is designed to make me us think we are not good enough, we need to be this and that but in the end, you will find out that it is all a trap. I have been there too.
I'm glad, you are on the other side of it now and you know better.
You can say this again dear funshee. I know better and it best that I learnt it the hard way, else, I would have taken it for granted.
Thank you for stopping by ☺️
People pleasing never goes well in the end and one ends up wasting precious time and effort. I also learnt the hard way that humans are generally insatiable. Focusing on oneself and striving for inner peace is the antidote to the craziness that the world thinks we should be.
I wish I came across this your response years back, I would have channeled my energy into more useful things. But like they say, no knowledge is a waste.
Thank you for coming around dear✨
Indeed. They say experience is always the best teacher. The more we have of it, the better.
Cheers!
Cheers to that 🥂
I'm happy that you have grown and have a better understanding of yourself.
People and personalities are complicated.
I had an interest in psychology from a young age because I have a complex personality, and was often misunderstood and labelled wrongly.
There are paradoxes in people, that are difficult for others to understand.
Ex. I'm a peacekeeper, amicable, agreeable, and altruistic. However, I'm not a people-pleaser, gullible, or someone who can be influenced by others' opinions. People are seldom able to differentiate all those traits, but I've remained true to myself because people are free to judge and think whatever they limit their minds to do.
I trust that you are and will always be at peace with yourself, and never stop growing and blossoming into the best person that you look in the mirror and feel proud of:)
Thanks for your #KISS
I enjoyed it 😉
lips sealed
This makes the two of us then. I had and still have an interest in psychology. It makes it easy to see things from other people's points of view.
I prioritize my peace so much because I've had a taste of both sides; the troubled side and the peaceful and we can all agree that the peaceful side is better. And yes, I'm working towards being the best version of myself. It may take time but I will definitely reached there someday❣️
Nobody is perfect in this world and trying to be a perfect human seems like an impossible task for us. I never thought I was perfect and I never tried to please others but other people are satisfied with my behavior. So, I was never worried about such kind of thing and before taking any action I think several times which help me to take accurate decisions most of the time.
You have a very positive attitude towards life and that's nice. It's a good thing that you were surrounded by people who accepted you whole heartedly.
Maybe its because I am lucky. But it's true that nobody is perfect. And for a single human it is impossible to please everyone in whole life. You well wisher with understand you..
Well wishers always understand best.
Thank you for sharing this thought with me☺️
Pleasing people makes happiness eludes someone.
That's another way to look at it. One wouldn't know true happiness untill they stop trying to please people.
I appreciate your stopping by ✨
You are welcome.
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Thankfully, you found yourself and that is beautiful. The world's opinion doesn't matter and you got to know that. Thanks for being you at last. I find it beautiful.
I am never a people pleaser. I am worse😂😂
You're worse?😅 How so?
I am strong-headed and do not care what people think. I don't give a fuck about people's feelings. I am that person who people whisper about because to them, I am pompous, and I don't give a knack about it.
😅😅😅
They'd whisper because they can't confront you. it's actually best to live that way..to a degree.
Yes, it is. People will always talk
As they have freedom of speech.
Hehe... Yeah, that 😆
Have a great day bali
Miss. Wang. Thank you
You're welcome
Yeah, baby.
People-pleasing can be very difficult to stop. It incredible that you are now completely over it. Some might say that's an achievement because being a people-pleaser can sometimes make you feel like you're in a cage and you have the key to open it but you're too scared to make the move.
It can be debilitating but thank God for growth!
Exactly . We thank God for growth.
Thanks for popping in Zita❣️
Pleasing people is a never ending journey, no matter what you do, they will always have something to say about it. The saddest part is the way some people treat you like trash because of your good intentions. I was like this years back, before I nearly went crazy in my own mind. I learnt my lessons the hard way and I never forgot it.
Pop in from #dreemport
I guess that makes two of us then. I learnt my lesson in the end too
Thank you so much for popping in ✨
Not caring about folks' lives anymore you feel absolutely free from a certain burden. Sometimes when people cannot manipulate you anymore, they feel attacked because you aren't that person anymore.
They shouldn't actually feel attacked as it's all part of growth and evolution.
Thank you so foe popping in dear
First of all, a belated Happy Birthday Wongi!
And fitting in has never been my suit. I tried that and just like you pointed out, it dealt with me mentally. So, I'm just being me and sticking to my values.
Popped in from #dreemport!
Thank you so much for the birthday wishes✨
This is actually better than trying to fit in. Thank you for popping in.
Always a pleasure
One cannot be all things to all people... it never works... it simply requires more energy than what we have available to us... and it requires us to be something that we are not... The only way to be truly happy is to remain true to yourself. Be real with others. I'm sure you are finding that this brings you a lot more joy and a lot less stress. Sending !LUV
I dropped in from Dreemport this evening. #dreemer for life.
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Being real with others and staying true to myself has brought so much peace and calmness. Good thing I realized this earlier.
Thanks for popping in Sam ✨
Yes you're good enough. A person who isn't good enough wouldn't be able to dish out this kind of wisdom. Lol
Self evaluation is needed. People are dying slowly trying to please others at their own expense.
Thanks goodness, you eventually learned and adjusted.
Thank you so much for your kind words dear mmykel. I do appreciate ✨