When Growth Demands Distance.

Well, there was a time I'd think people were meant to be permanent. I'm not really the type to keep friends, but when I'd, I try as much as possible to keep it running. During my secondary school days, I made friends with Bukola, we were very good pairs. We go to school together, go home together, share our foods, goodies, secrets and all. And we also happen to be in the same class. Back then, I was very happy about our friendship that I had concluded within me that these would definitely keep going till forever.

But life, life will always come doing what it knows to do best.

Life came between us, and it really took it's time to work on our bond. It didn't just come breaking us immediately, nah. It just comes creating little cracks and such, there are times she would just laugh at things that were really hurting me, there's the secret jealousy I began seeing in her anytime I achieved something, there are times I find out she's spilled some of the things I actually shared with her. And as time goes on and we begin to age, it became so obvious our directions are different. I tried all I could, I talked to her, I tried to understand her and the kind of person she was, but then I found out I was only forcing things, and the more I do, the more it affects me.

Still, being the kind of person I am, I still kept on trying my best, I would drag conversation with her and argue even when she's not showing interest, I would sometimes bring back old discussions, pictures, memories and the likes just so to keep us up and get reminded of how far we've come together. But it's not working, one night after a draining argument, I have no other option than to just let go and accept the honest truth. And it's that I had outgrown her.

This wasn't because I was better, nah. It was simply because I found out I had outgrown the version of me that needs her validation, I had outgrown the version of me that explains himself and gets misunderstood. I'm no longer afraid to let go of her or even walk alone.

It wasn't an easy decision to make. Because it goes beyond losing just that individual, you also lose and miss that version of you around them. And for weeks I waited for her to message, call or even flash me. There are times things happen to me and I would have almost called or message her. But then, she wasn't even concerned about anything. And as time goes on, I get used to the silence and peace.

I feel good without her in my life now, I'm no longer scared to be happy for my own success, I no longer reduce myself just to be able to make someone else comfortable, I now laugh without being ashamed and I can now be happy for my own achievements without thinking of her reaction. The people I move with now are those who aren't threatened by my growth, and also possess positive energies. I now realize how much space her presence has took and how little of it was actually good.

And about if I would bring her back if I had the chance, I believe me you should be able to guess what my response will be by now. Smiles, I definitely won't. And trust me, it's not out of anger or because what we had wasn't real. It's just because I can't bring myself to go back to that version of me that had to dim his light just to keep a friendship running.

So, that's it for me. Sometimes, outgrowing someone is how you will be able to grow fully into yourself.

All pictures are mine.

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