My pegged limits of being a giver prevents me from lots of inconveniences: minimalist tips

My sister-in-law happens to have two little girls as learners in a private school not far from my house. The school uses a British curriculum, and for many private schools like my nieces, teachers are paid 50% of their salaries during the month of December, which is because the school goes on vacation by the middle of the month and teachers would not be coming to work.

My sister-in-law happened to share a concern with me about the sudden approach of her kids school proprietress, who asked for a loan of N100,000 ($84), which was promised to be deducted from the children's tuition fees by January. Not only that, she made my sister-in-law realize she was the last resort and needed the money urgently. My sister-in-law (permit me to call her Esther for the purpose of this conversation) called her husband over the phone, who is my stepbrother, to inform him, and after some back and forth, I pleaded to chip in my take after the phone conversation.

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"How close are you to the proprietress?" I asked my sister-in-law.

"Not close; we just say a hello and a hi when I go to pick up the kids."

"Alright, it's not a bad deal since it will be a burden less for you when January comes, especially as it is usually a long month with little funds coming in. Did she ask you to pay into the school account?" I asked further.

"No, she wants me to transfer the money into her personal account." She replied.

Now, at this junction, I was uncomfortable. Why would the proprietress approach my sister-in-law and tell her she was a last resort, asking for the money to be sent into her personal account? The first thing I made Esther do was to call and confirm that it was actually the proprietress who was asking for the money over the WhatsApp call, and when that was confirmed, I had to advise my sister accordingly.

"Don't you think the proprietress wants to pay some of her teachers?" Esther asked.

"I doubt that. Anyways, I have a habit: I do not present myself as the complete solution to people's problems, especially when the problem is significant. There is a chance the proprietress has asked other people for a similar amount, and you don't have to be the superhero to send her the funds. Also, if you readily respond, she would likely come again with a similar story about borrowing money, and the fact that she wants the money sent to her private account is enough reason to tread carefully. If you consider paying part of your kids tuition prior to resumption, I would advise you to loan your proprietress only 50% of the money requested and instruct her that the loan must be used as part payment of your children's school fees."

"I think you're right, James." She replied.

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I was glad she took my advice. I have never believed in being people's problem solver. Even when I have an abundance of funds, I do not solve people's problems. I have had terrible experiences, and just in 2022, I had to pay back a million naira to a friend that I helped to invest. And, having lost so much in bad businesses, I have made some financial decisions that may not favor other people.

First, if anyone approaches me for a loan, I will first consider our relationship. The depth of our relationship would depend on how much I can loan the individual. For general friends, I have pegged the maximum loan amount to be N3,000 ($2.5), while for close friends, the maximum loan I can give is N10,000 ($8.3). Sticking to these rules relieves me of serious troubles as I have had to forgo unreturned loans; some are running through the years, but the luxury I enjoy is that many of the people who do not return my money do not come back often, knowing they have a pending loan to offset.

And yes, there are people who just approach me for a dash of money, and when I have that luxury, I do not hesitate to help, especially when the need is urgent. A very funny friend I would call him once gave me an open check to help him out financially, and when I sent him N3,000 ($2.5), he appreciated me but attempted to ridicule me for giving him such an amount since I am a medical doctor and he believed I should have plenty of money to spare. I laughed it off and cared less, reminding myself that solving every person's problem would not make me grow or develop myself.

It's a new year, and as much as my heart is willing, my new-year resolution remains to place myself as a priority for happiness and peace. Satisfying the needs of others would come after I am satisfied and am not ruined by being a superhero to everyone with a problem.

Thank you for reading. I would love to have your comments and contributions.