Marriage and Finances [LoH145]

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(Edited)


Perhaps I'm more traditional but I believe that being married means sharing basically everything - and that includes funds or finances. I tend to believe that money is part of a couple's mutual life. Maybe because I grew up in a family where that happens.

It was shocking to me at first to learn that there are spouses who keep their monies separate. I did learn that there's nothing wrong with it, well except when one of the parties do something in secret which becomes a burden to the whole family - i.e. borrowing large sums from loan sharks without informing the other.

This week's question asks our thoughts on whether or not it is alright to share details of one's finances to his/her spouse. But before that, let me narrate two real-life scenarios that happened to people close to me, not to malign those involved but perhaps we can learn something from their experiences.

Finance details off-limit to one another

They used to share everything but things changed somewhere along the way. Aging perhaps?

Their lives turned upside down and messy because the man of the house had loans of his own and so as the wife. One not knowing where the other used the amounts taken. Their secrets became known when creditors started running after them, some reaching out to us because at some point, we were used as a guarantee for the loans to be approved. Maybe you can imagine the consequences and the impact to the family.

Whilst each of them wanted to keep their financial affairs separate, they were not responsible enough. The result? Properties have to be sold yet still not enough to cover their debts with compounding interests adding up. When mom-in-law passed away a few years ago, some creditors still came out, claiming this and that.

Could the situation be different if they shared their financial decisions with one another? Maybe (or not).

My money is yours too

My brother is kind of traditional just as I am. He sent his wife to school hoping she'd learn the basics of handling and organizing their finances. Whilst he manages almost everything related to their livelihood, he shares the details of each transaction with his wife and taught her to sort out receipts and stuff as they had several people working for them.

I was mesmerized seeing their books of accounts which my brother created with proper labeling on each of them so it would be easy for his wife to insert or attach related things. He'd entrust large sums of money to her without reservations only to find out that she was losing them to gambling.

Would things be different if they kept their finances separate? Maybe (or not).

My verdict?

It depends on the people involved but perhaps having a clear or mutual understanding of where they wish their finances would lead to or go will help in their financial decisions.

In my experience, having a common goal keeps us more responsible with our spending. And it is best to be transparent and honest even when the other person is not checking.

Lead image edited on Canva. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio. 02082023/10:00ph

Posted Using LeoFinance Alpha

finances marriage loh145 financialdecisions ctp leofinance hive-124452
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Wao! This is very serious.. That's why some guys do not want to joint things together with their partners and they prefer being a sole entity.. But Truly marriage is a school on its own where you learn another aspect of life.

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You said it perfectly. And something that works on one doesn't necessarily mean it works with all. So we gotta discover on our way through.

!PIZZA

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Yeah, that's just the point, Discovery.. when this is done, we know that path which we are threading on

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I think that a couple's finances are an open book if there is mutual trust and a common life project. And after all, that's what marriage is supposed to be about, right? even if it's not always like that.

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I'm also like you that after marriage there's everything common between a couple, and we should share our money with each other. You're right here too that having common goals open better way to lead

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You nailed it already, when there's a goal the journey will be simplified 'cause both will have their concentration on that. What you've shared here are really so important 'cause it get some marriage into problem if there's no goal both party we keep doing what they think is right. I tell people intimacy is really important in marriage as it help you to open up your mind so gat to plan and set some goal that's the way to grow.

At the same time in marriage 4 bank account is needed, number one will be a joint account out of that account house bills and others will be sorted,and out of that money there should be a plan a percentage of the money will be going to savings account and it must require both parties signature to move the money, then both parties must also get personal account, he won't tell you what to do with your personal money and you can't tell him what to do with his personal money because even though you're married and in union you still have to maintain some form of individuality, so you can feel like human being. No woman would want to go to her husband for nails 😊. So, marriage a some important area to be balanced to have a healthy and a strong future.

Thanks for bringing this up @ifarmgirl ,I really love your approach to matter. Your use of word are awesome and captivating 😀.

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Thank you for your awesome input. I like the idea of having 4 accounts. Although we don't apply such, maybe because we built trust between each other. 😁

!CTP

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He'd entrust large sums of money to her without reservations only to find out that she was losing them to gambling.

Ouch! This is sad.

It depends on the people involved but perhaps having a clear or mutual understanding

Yeah I totally agree with you, the people involved matters a lot.

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Sad indeed. Sometimes the people we love take advantage of the trust given until it gets totally broken and cannot be repaired.

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That is just life for you, so unpredictable.

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Life is good for me, thankfully :) Hope it is the same with you.

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I like your 2cent on this topic, I'll say it depends on the individual and the kind of spouse they married.

Different strokes for different folks, some ladies hide their finance because some men will pass their responsibility over to them if they realize the woman earns the
Lion share, and stuff like that, while some men do not even care how much you earn or have got, they still perform their responsibilities.

While some were oriented to keep their earnings secret maybe because of separation or divorce, so they don't share it 😹😹. Weird reasons though. But I think marriage should be about transparency which is why people need the right motive to get married, marriage is teamwork and not competition since they aren't opponents.

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While some were oriented to keep their earnings secret maybe because of separation or divorce, so they don't share it 😹

Lol! This is quite reasonable although I feel it's like thinking the relationship is going to be doomed 😁

'Coz I share your thoughts, marriage is teamwork and we should not see each other as a competition.

!LADY

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In my experience, having a common goal keeps us more responsible with our spending. And it is best to be transparent and honest even when the other person is not checking.

Agreed. I think for a relationship to work well (marriage or similar bonding) we really need to be honest and on the same page about pretty much everything.

!LUV !HUG

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Yes, you nailed it. Spouses or partners should be on the same page, no one between them should be unaware of each other's financial affairs.

Thank you !LADY :)

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It's as they say, "What we have here is a failure to communicate." At least to be aware of their financial picture of the household as a whole. Even in a case of separate finances both are still linked together shared assets which may be a home, car, 'loan guarantor' etc. How a person handles money does say a lot about them.

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That is very true. Whilst people can choose to keep their affairs separate, at least they should discuss or talk about the things that would affect the family before doing any major financial move or decision. Thank you :)

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As for me, I am okay with sharing money and not, as long as I know all the expenses. Not for the purpose of auditing, lol but to ensure that money is spent correctly.

Though my husband, remits his salary to me monthly 🤣. He said he also took some for his allowance. I am ok with that na, not the type who will ask for payslip etc.

On his side, once he gave me the money, he never ask where I spent it, goodness he trusted me that much 🤣

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Saklap sa part ng brother mo.
He trusted his wife, yet, the one can not be trusted...
It's really better for a couple to share financial burdens no matter what, and be transparent in everything to easily solve things that have gone wrong..
It takes two to tango as the saying goes..

!LADY

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Oo din sis. Pero may ganon yata talaga. No matter how you try to influence them, nasa buto na hehe.

And true, a relationship is like a dance. Both have to do their part. Thank you !LADY

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A Union in marriage should mean a Union for everything else. However as you demonstrated it does not work for everyone.

In your brother’s situation even the schooling did not help as his wife was not transparent with her dealings.

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That's supposed to be the case, couples should at least be transparent with each other because what one decides to do will certainly affect the other or the whole family. Thank you for your thoughts :)

!LADY

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Indeed - that is the problem - the consequences affect the other partner and sometimes the family. 😞

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I agree when it comes to finances there should be a mutual understanding about it because it's all about trust and love, so when problems come especially in finances too, they can solve it together too.

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It's usually the situations mentioned in these two experiences that make some couples reluctant to share their finances. Understanding is everything but when things change over the course of time, a spouse may be shocked and left heart broken. Thanks for sharing. !LADY 🙂

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Yes, in most cases, not being honest or transparent of one's financial dealings can affect the relationship especially when bad decisions are made.

Thank you too, Kemmy :)

!LADY

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Our partner must be responsible enough to share the finances, few understand that it is a job for two to maintain a balance in the finances when married.

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Yes, both persons involved must be transparent with their dealings, not just one of them.

!LADY

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Oh no! It isn't being traditional, it is actually really cool to me. One's home background plays a part in how one runs her family.
I agree with your thought that it depends on the partners involved.

Thanks for participating sis.

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Thank you, Merit for your great questions and I totally agree with you about one's family background impacting how one runs her own.

!LADY

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True, it really depends din, and, there are scenarios din kasi that even if they have the dame view when it comes to finance chenes, if the other one learn to gamble or the other become addict on shopping, kapag talaga na demunyu na ang utak, ay wala na, lol. Whether separate or joint chenes, parehon pa ring palyado ang naging decision nila. Aigooo, kaya maigi talaga wag na mag pasakal, charowttt, lol

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Hahaha ganon na lang, mag stay single na lang😅 You reminded me about addict sa shopping, meron din yan. Sakit sa ulo ng asawa😂

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Hahaha, hirap ng may partner ng ganyan minsan ka addict -an pati money for the month expenses magagastos aguyy talaga

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Hmm you are right and another thing about marriage is that most of the financial activities comes from the male gender
That's why it is advisable to marry someone who is financially stable provided that the lady also has a work that she does

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Thank you !LADY for your thoughts. I would not say I agree with the entirety of your statements. And to marry someone because of financial stability is to me, a very wrong reason and one of the causes of marital issues. What happens then if that someone suddenly goes bankrupt?

But then again, it depends on the individual😅

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Everything is good and bad at the same time. It depends on humans who decide which one to take. In the case of your brother's wife, she chooses the bad one. And your brother was betrayed because of her.
!PIZZA

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You're right about that Inti. It really depends on the individuals involved and how they go about their affairs.
!CTP

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It is a fact that when a man gets married, he cannot do anything alone and his wife has a share in everything, whether it is money or time. Even though he has to give his wife a must, it is very difficult to live without her.

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Kaya ang hirap talaga pag may mga loans. Kaya natatakot pa ko sa ganun.

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