Stop Yelling, Start Breathing: My Way of Bringing Calmness in Chaos
Life gives a great variety of feelings; joy which is great, frustration which is maddening, sadness which is painful at times. Sometimes we experience all of them in the same day. As I look back over the years I see that which of those emotions we take to heart and how we handle them is what really makes a difference. Although healthy diet and exercise can play a role, but what really matters what brings about the change is in how you work through your feelings.
Sure thing, here is a version of your passage reworded: In many ways what has been very helpful is this concept of reframing that I have. What I do is look at issues which are hard to deal from a different perspective so as not to pull me under with them. At times work can be very over the top and it would get brought home with me. That would play out in all aspects, including at the family table. What I am doing now is thinking of my feelings as if they are rooms in my head. I shut the door on the frustrated ones and focus on the positive in other rooms. It is not a solution that works all the time but what it does is I am able to actually enjoy time with my family instead of carrying work stress like it is a heavy bag.
As a parent of three very active kids I don’t do well at all to be honest, I get annoyed a great deal. There is always some child not paying attention or fighting over something which is totally unimportant. I have found out that yelling or snapping at them doesn’t help. Presently I just stop what I am doing and speak out, “I need a break." Also I will go outside for a few minutes or just stand in the hall and breath deeply. It is a simple solution but it works. I come back more even tempered and the entire house has a better atmosphere.
Marriage does see its fair share of emotional breakdowns also. I have my fair share of good and bad times with my wife. Just the other day, she walked in from work beaten down, dropped her bag, and out came the big sigh “I can’t believe what I went through today. What I do is never good enough. To be honest at first I got irritated. I was stressed out myself and all I wanted was some notice from her. But instead of it growing between us I went up to her and gave her a hug, said I love you. Also that we are in this together. It wasn’t anything grand but it brought us that much closer.
In the past I’ve also found success with what I’ll call the 5 minute rule. When I am very angry or very sad I allow myself to feel that way for a maximum of 5 minutes. Also at times I will vent to myself silently which in turn prevents me from passing my bad feelings on to my family. Then I move on. It may sound like a small thing but it does help keep my family out of my issues when I am having a tough time.
Empathy is a key element indeed. It’s not all about me and my issues. When I put in the effort to hear out what my wife and kids are going through we do better as a unit. My wife was not merely searching for a person to listen to her talk, she desired that I should understand her. Therefore, I need to listen, inquire and by my questions, try to be in her place. It makes a difference which in turn makes our home feel like a safe place.
Hard times are inevitable in life. Falling into a negative cycle can happen to anyone. However, when you figure out how to get through them your problems become less difficult. You begin to make different choices. Your relationship get better.